i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
