made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Congratulations! We have a period
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
