No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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