this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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