I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
