Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
