He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
