i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
