Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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