This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize