just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
