just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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