I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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