Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize