First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
is it fun? or sober?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
