I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Are my feet made of real feet?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
