threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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