This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
