Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
