my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
