I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
