why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
