You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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