just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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