Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's blow job season.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
