Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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