where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
