before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
