he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
40s are totally the cure
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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