i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
