I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We are two peas in an std pod
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
