he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just gargled with NyQuil
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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