TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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