we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We were destined to go to rehab together
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
