I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
