Someone shit on the floor
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
