Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
