she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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