she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
