No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
