I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
