we have pet lesbian snakes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
