i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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