whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
