Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
