just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
