I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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