The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
