yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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