I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
