Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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