it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
