guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
