That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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