Yo dont text me then not text me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
