Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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