You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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