Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
