Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
