Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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