got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
