Already got asked if we're dating
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
