I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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