I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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