Moan for me like Helen Keller
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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