Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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