I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
