you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
